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It's been 6 months since my best friend was taken from this world too soon... It doesn't get any easier. She just turned 18 not even two months before... It hurts so much when someone who's been there since before Kindergarten is no longer here. Someone who's supposed to be there with during every mile stone. She'll never be in my wedding if I ever decided to get married. She'll never meet her nieces or nephews if I ever had any children. I'll never get to see who would have swept her off her feet, or see how beautiful her children would have been... She was one of the most beautiful girls I knew, she didn't even need to try. She was my sister... Six months ago hearing she was dead was the first thing my sister and I heard that day. My dad came barging in the front door and yelled she was dead... I cried for hours, my mom held me as I screamed. I cried the whole morning. I couldn't do anything else but cry. I was a zombie, I couldn't hold down anything. I threw up food and water. My head felt like it was getting split open. My sister forced me to eat and drink water and made me sleep. It helped but my best friend, my ister was still layig at the clinic dead... My mom brought me down to the clinic where her family and ours were waiting outside the clinic for her body to be flown out... It's traumatizing seeing your best friend being pulled away in a body bag... I asked her sister if I can make a quilt for her. I did, while she was gone getting examined. I actually dreamed that night a pattern for her quilt. For three days straight I worked on that quilt. 29 hours to be exact. My mom and auntie made her a pouch necklace and a matching bracelet... So many weird things were happening like she was watching us. Beads popping off threads because the pattern was off, my thread kept getting cut on my sewing machine, only when I was messing up. I used her favorite colors and patterns. Purple and pink along with zebra print. On the top I actually used a material she wanted. I'm glad I kept it now she has it with her... I feel better knowing my last gift to her will be with her forever... But man seeing her laying there in a coffin for days... We traveled 12 hours downriver in boats to bury her in her family's hometown... Traditionally someone is supposed to be with her all day and all night... I stayed with her the first night we were there until 5:30 am... Seeing her face all scratched and bruised from the accident... Feeling her cold cold skin... It shouldn't have happened like this at all... I'll never get to make memories with her ever again... I'll never hear her beautiful laugh from her mouth again... It's weird the day we got there it was sunny the whole day. So many of us got sun burnt, it was the hottest day this past summer. Almost a hundred degrees. But the day we left... it rained the whole way up... Like she was crying we were leaving her... I cried the whole boat ride home... I'm still crying... She didn't deserve it, she had such a great future ahead of her... She was supposed to be going to school this past semester with me... She wanted to be a lawyer... I miss my Froggy...
So I just came home, the latest I ever came home in a really long time. I just came home from my first date ever. It wasn't as I awkward as I thought it would be. Surprisingly it was with a guy in the army, a GI. If you know I don't really like GIs, I chose to not to really intereact with them. Another surprising factor is he is older than I usually go. I've only ever 'dated' guys up to a year and half older than me. He's 5 years older than me and I would say that is a factor of why tonight was just so- wow. He was really sweet and was a really really nice guy. But wait there is another thing that was out of my norms. He's three inches shorter than me. The shortest guy I've 'dated' was my height. It was different. All my life I've always said I would never date a man shorter than me because well... I was always the tallest kid in my age group, in all my classes until my Sophomore year. I giggled at first when I stood by him but when he asked why was I laughing, I couldn't really say but I did just tell him I was a giggly person and I brought it up again. I know how guys don't like people pointing out their height. He brought me to the movies, we watched Allied. We talked the whole car ride there and well we drove around a little bit to talk longer, we were early anyways. At first we were the only ones in the whole theater for the movie so we kept talking, kept making comments about the movie. It was great, he actually fed me popcorn, it was really different and I kind of liked it. But other people showed up so we just whispered to each other every now and again. Slowly he sunked into out seats just like leaning towards each other, whispering away. I loved the movie, it was amazing, except one thing. Not gonna say. We walked out and sat in his car and talked while it warmed up. Then he started to drive me home and we talked the whole away again. When he parked by the mail box I hugged him goodnight, tried to kiss his cheek. Well we ended up kissing, well we made out. He's the third man I've kissed. He was better than the others. After a while we stopped and decided to drive around some more about 45 minutes, he held my hand most of the way. He even kissed it a few times. Again he stopped by my mailbox and turned off the headlights. We ended up making out again haha. I lost count of time and I really didn't want to. My lips are still tingling. Tonight was full of many firsts and I am really glad I decided to step out of my box this evening. We're actually making plans to go bowling tomorrow... Well today. Hahaha.
So yesterday marked the five year mark since my dog, Copper passed away, he was... Sorta alcoholic and had a heart attack... He also had a beer gut...
So my knee is healing swimmingly. When I first had a brace for it it was a XXL and the swelling went down a lot so now I have an XL brace, thunder thighs. The tissue is healing, and the tendons are shrinking into place. Yes I'm able to play basketball for my senior year and yes I'm crazy enough to do it. Plus side is she said I don't have to wear a brace or anything, but I have this fear that it'll pop out easier .__. Also about 4/5 of the guys I was friends with are totally dead to me now. DEAD. I won't be dating anyone soon, good... But having kissing withdrawals >.< but oh well last week of school.
So I went in yesterday, apparently this whole time I wasn't suppose to bend my knee. Quickly the doctor, who I have seen before for my other knee, got me this big knee brace fixed so I can't bend it. She then put me through x-rays, quick enough. Good news nothing was broken! Then we made an appointment to go back in a few weeks... Then we went shopping, god... I almost ran over people in the little wheel chair kart thing. I should've too... Bitches. But I had the hardest getting in the bush plane... Had to put my leg on the seat in front of me... By time my leg heals I should be very flexible because I'm suppose to wear the brace at all times...
My leg would take around a month to heal enough for physical activities. I'm going up for an x-ray tomorrow, I hope it just ends well and hopefully I won't be scared if someone comes charging at me on the court.
Soooo... I was playing in the championship game for the spring carnival basketball tournament. It just started, they had the ball, my bully from freshman year was driving in and I play center but I didn't slide fast enough... Her hip or something hit my knee and... Knocked my left knee cap out of place... It was completely on the left of my leg. I was screaming my parents, coach, health aid and the refs rushed over. I was crying and screaming, it hurt so bad. The doctor finally came over to the gym and three people had to hold me down when he popped into place, I screamed so loud, I started throwing up. Finally I had to get up and to go the clinic maybe 10 minutes or so went by since it happened. Everyone I'm the bleachers watched me lay there, get up and cry. They helped me get outside my dad and coach to where the Four-wheeler or ATV (?) was and my coach drove me over to the clinic where I had to hop up a ramp with the doctor and dad by my side. He couldn't stay so he went back to the gym. We got to the hospital bed and here's where most of the pain was, I had to left my leg onto the bed, I screamed and cried more and my dad had to lift it up there for me. I layed down and held onto the metal bars crying more. The doctor asked me questions and then he asked if I wanted pills (takes a half an hour to kick in) or a shot, and if you know me you'd know I absolutely hate needles, and I yelled pills. Then he went and got them taking his time, while that the pain got worse the ice pack warming up. Then he made me take the pain killers, then he started feeling it to see of that bitch broke my lower leg bone and I started to cry more because it hurt like hell. He conclude it wasn't broken and I was ready to go home. Here's another bad part, getting out of bed, out the door, down the ramp, onto my moms snow- mobile and home. I didn't even give him the chance to ask crutches or wheelchair. I hate crutches, my armpits get sore because I'm so big. After I tried lifting my leg off the bed he told me that I couldn't really do that because I had stretched the tendons that help that movement. I made my mom move my leg and I sat in the wheelchair oh god getting into that wheelchair was a bitch!! I was kinda curled up crying and gasping working up the strength to have it lifted up again so they can put the foot pads down. I was crying when my dad wheeled me down the ramp... Then there was this little hill outside anther bitch to get over, they lifted me on the sno-go. My mom drove me home, I just held onto her and cried really hard now that no one couldn't see me. We got home, mom parked the wrong way so she had to turn around so I can face the stairs (both my legs were on one side) had to wait for my dad to get up the stairs. Hopped up them, thank god I had my ankle brace on that leg, I let go and tried to walk, fail, screamed some more. Tried to because he said I shouldn't really baby it or is going to be really really sore tomorrow. Limped to the couch where my parents had to help me lift my legs again so I'd be comfy. Soon the pain killers started to kick in, my mom got me dinner because I didn't eat all day. Now I'm just laying here feeling defeated, and kinda emotionally scarred? I don't feel any pain right now but I just feel like crying and crying. Also I didn't get an apology yet and that was three hours ago
So... I got black and blue bruises and spamming back muscle... from one weekend of ball because I was the only one on my team bothering to hustle... Well whatever hahaa I have my whole team back and I'm already healing!!! Also one of the refs who refed our games hate people from here so he said it was my fault I was basically getting tackled and things like that. Hahahaa one sided refs are hilarious!!
Last week we got second in the Tournament, I went off and scored 38 in one game... No one talks shit about my babies (8th graders that are on the team) and guess what? Because of that game, they played super scruffy, I have like 7 bruises on my torso.... Also I DID THE WORSE THING I COULD POSSIBLY DO... I FUCKING KISSED MY EX INSTEAD TREATING HIM LIKE A GAY FRIEND FUCK MY LIFE >.< >.< >.< >.< IT WAS MY FIRST KISS TOO.... But now we're ignoring each other and my "boyfriend" keeps ignoring me for a few days and then talks to me for around an hour and tells me how much he misses me, well guess what you have a phone- respond to the texts. I honestly feel like no one will talk to me unless they want something. It sure seems like that way, they talk to me about what they're going through but they don't respond after I start talking.... Well I guess that's why I have this... >.< I need to go running or for a walk tomorrow............. MOTHERFUCK!!!!!!!!!!
We had another team come to our town and we won yesterday's game... Well technically two days ago now because it's 12:17. I only made like 8 that day. But yesterday we lost by only 3 and well I made 20. ^.^ now goodnight I'm tired af