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Entry #323

6 Months

2016-12-10 18:25:14 by Kallands97

It's been 6 months since my best friend was taken from this world too soon... It doesn't get any easier. She just turned 18 not even two months before... It hurts so much when someone who's been there since before Kindergarten is no longer here. Someone who's supposed to be there with during every mile stone. She'll never be in my wedding if I ever decided to get married. She'll never meet her nieces or nephews if I ever had any children. I'll never get to see who would have swept her off her feet, or see how beautiful her children would have been... She was one of the most beautiful girls I knew, she didn't even need to try. She was my sister... Six months ago hearing she was dead was the first thing my sister and I heard that day. My dad came barging in the front door and yelled she was dead... I cried for hours, my mom held me as I screamed. I cried the whole morning. I couldn't do anything else but cry. I was a zombie, I couldn't hold down anything. I threw up food and water. My head felt like it was getting split open. My sister forced me to eat and drink water and made me sleep. It helped but my best friend, my ister was still layig at the clinic dead... My mom brought me down to the clinic where her family and ours were waiting outside the clinic for her body to be flown out... It's traumatizing seeing your best friend being pulled away in a body bag... I asked her sister if I can make a quilt for her. I did, while she was gone getting examined. I actually dreamed that night a pattern for her quilt. For three days straight I worked on that quilt. 29 hours to be exact. My mom and auntie made her a pouch necklace and a matching bracelet... So many weird things were happening like she was watching us. Beads popping off threads because the pattern was off, my thread kept getting cut on my sewing machine, only when I was messing up. I used her favorite colors and patterns. Purple and pink along with zebra print. On the top I actually used a material she wanted. I'm glad I kept it now she has it with her... I feel better knowing my last gift to her will be with her forever... But man seeing her laying there in a coffin for days... We traveled 12 hours downriver in boats to bury her in her family's hometown... Traditionally someone is supposed to be with her all day and all night... I stayed with her the first night we were there until 5:30 am... Seeing her face all scratched and bruised from the accident... Feeling her cold cold skin... It shouldn't have happened like this at all... I'll never get to make memories with her ever again... I'll never hear her beautiful laugh from her mouth again... It's weird the day we got there it was sunny the whole day. So many of us got sun burnt, it was the hottest day this past summer. Almost a hundred degrees. But the day we left... it rained the whole way up... Like she was crying we were leaving her... I cried the whole boat ride home... I'm still crying... She didn't deserve it, she had such a great future ahead of her... She was supposed to be going to school this past semester with me... She wanted to be a lawyer... I miss my Froggy...


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MchectorIIMchectorII

2016-12-10 20:53:06

Take the time you need to grieve and remember the times you both shared together and if you need anything,tell me what I can do to help.

Kallands97 responds:

In Middle School we recorded so many videos, I cherish them because you can hear her voice and laugh, sometimes its the only thing that cant get me by... Thank you very much.


VicariousEVicariousE

2016-12-11 03:57:53

You wrote about Froggy after this happened, didn't you? I'm glad you're talking about it now, it honors her memory, and works towards healing the loss. Sadness is inextricably connected with love, and it's good to be reminded of that. Wishing you and yours the best of everything!

Kallands97 responds:

Yeah I did, I believe I deleted it though, it's strange how I can pour my heart out on here for complete strangers to read but can't express it people face to face... Thank you, I always enjoy reading your comments, needed them dearly lately.


suicidelettersuicideletter

2017-08-20 03:55:32

You tolerated me long enough.